5 foundational pillars to consider when choosing a life-long partner.
"So Hannah, what do you look for in a guy?"
I do not doubt that over the course of our different lives, we will have received this question at least once. Perhaps your answer was sought after by your momma, a lady friend, or a secret admirer shooting for extra information to score brownie points with you.
Each stage of my own development has brought forth a different answer. When I was a tween girl fangirling over Kili from the Hobbit movies, my "type" would have been a dark & curly haired adventurer, or on the contrary, to meet a kindred spirit like Gilbert Blythe from Anne of Green Gables. Looking back on the influence of males during high-school, I remember how my love for Jesus blossomed further, as well as going on Pappa-Daughter dates, spending quality time with my brother, being a girlfriend for a time, listening to inspiring stories of my Oupa, having a fair share of flings over the years, and forming the sincerest friendships with lads who have now grown into young men.
The reason why I am sharing these small snippets of my personal life, is to express that the Lord reveals the nature of His sons to His daughter through those He's placed in her life. Through them I've learnt much about understanding & appreciating their side of the human race. One example of a lesson, would be to have a solid set of standards that work to side-step settling.
And what is equally detrimental to understand, is that the standard we set for others should be a reflection of the standards we ourselves are upholding.
Having standards before accepting our mates has the dynamic effect of:
minimizing internal conflict within the relationship to combat external affliction together.
So finally, here are pointers I now view to be important for those aiming to set a relationship on solid ground. When asked what to look for in a partner, 5 things come to mind. These can be vice-versa between both the man and woman, but for the sake of this femininity-based blog, these point to some of the qualities we ladies can assess for in the men who pursue us.
1. A man of good character
Is he chasing after God & seeking His will?
Is he kind; well-mannered; honest; patient; loyal; generous; hospitable; discerning?
Is he an honorable role model for older and younger generations?
Can you work together as a unit?
2. Does he love me?
Is he interested in my stories? (ladies, when a guy remembers the little details, it's a GREEN FLAG. A good listener earns an instant brownie point)
Does he enjoy being around me?
Does he protect me in words and deeds? Would he honour me as his one day?
How does he express his love? (according to both of your love languages)
Is he pursuing or settling?
3. Compatibility
Are we compatible enough to be a dynamic duo for the Kingdom?
Do we build one another up & push one another closer to God's calling in our lives?
beliefs & values [faith, politics, morals]
emotional connection [chemistry, attraction, fun]
future goals [career ambitions, children, home location]
4. Respect
There is no superiority scheme in a partnership; no competing for dominance, control, power or recognition.
There are complementary duties that are needed, recognized, and appreciated between one another.
Do I respect him? You only submit to one man; pick him wisely.
Can I trust him in vulnerability?
Do I feel safe around him?
5. Wellness
Is he healthy or trying to be?
Is there a space where we can thrive & grow together?
Does he have hobbies & drive that show how he's aiming to reach his full potential?
spiritual health [praying, serving, fruits of the Spirit vs. addictions, baggage]
emotional health [coping mechanisms with stress or frustration, communicating feelings]
physical health [diet, activity, sleep, hygiene, being outdoors]
mental health [dealing with any specific disorders]
financial health [generous, frugality, sustainable]
At the end of the day, the mate you choose for life will be the one to raise up your children with you; the one with whom you will spend each holiday; next to whom you will sit every day for meal-times; the one who will create traditions and build a home with you. He should be the one who you are most at home with, wherever you may be.
Keep praying for him, prioritizing above all your First True Love.
Prepare your heart for expeditions of growth; serve Him in gladness; bloom in His timing. The right bee will buzz by out of the blue, sense the fragrance of God in you, and make haste to hustle for the honey. You just set your heart on Him, alright?
Soak in His sonshine, and embrace Him with all your might.
All things beautiful, in time.
With sweet joy & lemon zest
Hannah Mia xo
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